It’s hard to just do it. Over the years that phrase has meant a lot of different things for me. I spent years just doing it badly, having makeshift replacement for fun and pleasure. I spent a few more years just doing it to make up for the past. Working for the past, working to undo what has already occurred. Schindler, Delorean, it’s challenging. I’m directing a lot of energy looking forward and it’s not with a clear slate, it’s seemingly impossible and i’m not sure how people do it when they are married.
Just do it. We’re just doing it.
I was asked what I hold special of late yesterday. My response started with a long silence, and eventually descended into something akin to “living more in the momentâ€, which is both a lie and truth.
Yesterday morning I went to bed late, rose early, and began my war against the windmills.
Today I went to bed early, rose early, tumbled again at those sweeping arms. Today was harder than yesterday, getting up is an effort in choice, you get up or you don’t, I can’t much complain about that. I didn’t even get caught in the time warp, but man, what a shitty instructor.
Sometimes just doing it means you phone it, serve your sentence, do variety when singular doesn’t work. Phoning it in is only better than doing nothing, so I phoned it in.
I do it to do right by me for the now. I must do it to remember that today is forgotten by tomorrow, balance hides somewhere in understanding today, tomorrow, and yesterday. Balance hides in the realization that too many of us are envoys of yesterday, and today is plagued with recrimination, tomorrow is already overshadowed with a fear of change.
It’s hard to just do it. Your whole fucking life has been -for better or for worse listening to instinct, an internal voice, which by the way has been shaped by every sharp event in your life. We don’t keep our hands from the fire cause someone told us not to, we don’t’ do it because someone told us not to and then we did it and that shit hurt. We learn in those early death defying years, those experiences gets into the fabric of our being.
It is a simple statement, cause it implies that you don’t think it out, you just do it. And then there is the whole other implication, the idea that you should do it well and look good doing it, but another time huh, best to just get started doing it.